leave.

i hate to write something like this on the internet, because i find people who do that tend to have a warped sense of social communication and interaction, but this medium suits you all too well. it allows for facades, lack of responsibility, false empathy, reinvention. not my ideal choice, but it fits the situation based on your perception of value.

i find you fascinating in a morbid way, the sort of way people are curious about how the minds of serial killers and sociopaths work (including you--unless that was a lie). conversely, though, i now see your life as the ongoing train wreck that it is, that no one wants to give the slightest curiosity upon realizing what's really going on: that you constructed all the carnage with your own manipulation and lies; that there's no sincerity.

i thought i saw good in you, light, a fun personality. i wanted to be there for you, to help you acclimate, to have a friend to share things with and just enjoy the company of. i defended you, i felt like you were the person a person close to me could love, even though he too had glimpsed those very flaws which have grown so deep. sure, there were little lies here and there, but i gave you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you just exaggerated a little or had a little problem. part of me still really wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt for a long time, until quite recently in fact. though you wronged people i knew, i stuck to that not being something that would affect ME being friends with you or judging you as a person; and now, you make ME feel like a gullible, blind idiot. the lies you can tell to those close to you and still think of yourself as an even remotely respectable person astound me. additionally, though i talk shit, i don't like to pre-judge others on what i've heard, and i'd heard quite a bit about you before i met you, and even after. i figured that wasn't between us, that maybe you were misunderstood, that i shouldn't see it as a warning, i wanted to know you for myself. shit fuck i was so, incredibly wrong.

what i do find odd is your unabashed ability to lie to those closest to you, those who want to love and help you, and still be such a desperate, pathetic person. aww poor you. poor you, you fucking parasite. host to host, city to city. while i know you will indefinitely hurt others, at least i know that after a certain amount of time everyone--even those who want to see the good in you the most--will undoubtedly come to the same realization.